I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
