And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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