I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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