fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
