I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
