Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
