Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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