I haven't been this sober since birth.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
