i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
