My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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