hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
