did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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