tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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