So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
