This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love you.
Bad choice
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
