The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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