Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
