If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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