so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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