Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
