can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
