I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
