If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
