I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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