Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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