One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
