I feel great
I just peed on a car
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you had me at cake vodka
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
