Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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