I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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