The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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