Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
