My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
