So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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