I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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