sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
