i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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