After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
