I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
