just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
