considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
