Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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