Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
