he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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