I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize