She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
