well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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