this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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