I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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