Tell her she can't have a vagina
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
