At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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