I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
