do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
