she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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