u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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