Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
