i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize