Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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