I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
