I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
