I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
