she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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