I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
