I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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