they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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