it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Success! We fucked roommates!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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