I wish life had little blips of pornography
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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