Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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